Cat-atonic

AUBURN, Maine — Goldfish are mesmerizing to watch, dogs are a handful and require constant affection, but cats — those sneaky and moody critters —have one thing going for them — autonomy.

These independent feline hairballs come and go as they please, and they don't like being told what do. They run on their own clock, and all cat owners better get used to their mood swings.

 

There is no way to control these fiercely independent animals. Get that idea out of your head. They like you, but do they really need you?

They play favorites with family members, too, which can lead to stress and divisiveness in the household.


If you are lucky, they will curl up with you when they want to give you the time of day. And yet, there is something to a cat's soothing purr, like a comforting whir of a fan in the dead of the night.

Just give them a place to eat and sleep and these bipolar, four-legged creatures will be back on your doorstep after a long day of carousing and killing mice or birds. They are good at thinning the herd around the backyard and don't mind letting their owners know it. 


Cats love to present their dead or live prey to their horrified owners to prove that they too are proud members of the Eco system.

And for some strange reason, water is their main enemy. Get a cat wet and you have one angry cat on your hands. Look out! They will scowl at you as they dry themselves off in some lonely corner of the house. A soaked cat means you will be ignored for hours, which can be a good thing.

I was never a cat person, although I found Cat Woman a sight to behold.

But cats, well, I didn't mind not having one around, and as for goldfish, these little fellows are fun and relaxing to watch, and they demand little of you because you matter little to them - except when you open the lid to the tank to feed them. 


Then they come around in schools when it is time for feeding. Having a dog is like raising child, and while a dog's love, companionship and devotion are unquestionable, their constant thirst for attention rivals that of a newborn.

Look, I am a friend to all animals, but I never thought about owning a feline - until I got married, and then I had to bend a little, aah, actually a lot. You do a lot of bending in a loving relationship. Finding common ground and compromise are imperative to any lasting union. Saying yes to your spouse means a quick end to any hostilities.

And remember, there is no last word in diplomacy when it comes to your spouse's request to purchase a moody feline.

We have had two cats over the last 20 years. One was uptight and the other is as cool as cucumber, especially when Tabby closes in for the kill. He is a stealthy assassin who has brought down large blue jays and once marched into our living room with a live chipmunk. 


It escaped our cat's clutches and sent the family scurrying around the house to chase the varmint out of our home.

Tabby, like all cats, can be playful and suddenly become downright evasive, but when Tabby likes to play, he can be amusing. But there is a soft side to Tabby. He knows he owns our hearts and is quite affectionate in his own mysterious way, but just don't ever, ever get him wet because he won't forget.

He holds grudges.

Tabby enjoys my wife's constant attention and seeks me out when nobody in the house is around to cater to him. The cat and I are both fine with that odd relationship.

It has taken me years to understand how these fearless felines operate, but our Tabby proves that cats are extraordinary creatures, which do give a damn and need human interaction - when cats feel like it, of course.